The Phrases shared by My Father That Rescued Me as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the truth rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to talk between men, who continue to absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a respite - going on a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."